xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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