She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
