It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
