You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
being pregnant is like rehab
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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