i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
