So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
