she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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