please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
