I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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