Are we in a gay sports bar?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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