do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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