This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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