I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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