Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
