i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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