Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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