U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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