I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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