should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
