U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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