Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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