Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
