I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
