Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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