maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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