Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
that is very illegal...i love you.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
