Ketchup is God's man juice
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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