that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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