very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
