I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
