so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
