I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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