You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I smell stomach acid.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
