Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
