Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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