we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
