Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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