I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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