I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
