Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
