I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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