some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
