Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
