I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
