i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
