don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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