but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
