my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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