You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
