im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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